so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
