i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
