So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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