90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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