remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
