Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
