Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Green mimosas i think yes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
