No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
