He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
