I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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