hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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