my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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