It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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