So drunk its hurt
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
