too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
so much tequila, so little girl.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
