DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
