Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
