Princesses don't give blow jobs
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
