I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
