oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
