Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
