Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize