remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
