Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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