Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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