I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
