He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
