Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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