Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
