Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
