If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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