I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
