11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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