Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
