turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
