i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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