haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
