Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
