Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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