Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
