Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
