i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
COCAINE IS GR8
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
