Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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