some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
