Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
