ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
