You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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