I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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