What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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