Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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