He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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