I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
