yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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