i jhust puked up my retainher.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
