I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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