I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
