She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
