i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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