Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We were destined to go to rehab together
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize