I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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