i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
