if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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