Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
