I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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