if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
