go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
