i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
