with your own penis?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
