see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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