I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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