We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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