I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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