his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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