I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
