My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
