I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
