Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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