Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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