Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
