omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
