We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
