imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
