dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
