just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
