So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
