the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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