Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
