Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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