This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
