He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize