just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have already put on my inside pants.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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