new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
