yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
