I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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