I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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