like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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