so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize