Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
