I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize