Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
