White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
