I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
