I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
