I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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