Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
