So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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