dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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