So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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